Today is a milestone for me and has a completely different reason for celebration. I received my cancer diagnosis 10 years ago today. I was 38, mom to an 8 year old and in a marriage that I was hanging on to but knew was broken yet scared to go out on my own. While cancer took away it also gave, not that I would recommend cancer as a way to make changes as I would much rather have found things out on my own. The cancer didn't kill my marriage it just forced out in the open that it was over.
I lost, I won, I learned, I struggled, I concquered, I gave up, I tried, I changed, I mourned, I celebrated, I shut down, I gave, I loved, I hated, I was angry, I was happy, I was worried, I was calm, I cried, I fought, I laughed, I was brave, I was a coward. . .I survived.
I look at where I am today and look around to all that I have gained and feel proud that I did it, I have a nice place to live, a job I love and best of all the most amazing young man that I raised. I've had many bumps in the road and lost myself, but I am on a journey to find the me that I want to be. That young man went away to college and now I am having fun being Joanne, I will always be mom but my days are focussed on what I want to do. I've taken some classes, got a new hobby and of course brought Harlow into my life. I feel vibrant most days and look forward to now.
My last chapter to the cancer journey will be my third and final dragonfly tattoo. I had one at the first year mark, another at the five year mark and now will mark my tenth--it will complete the circle. Three dragonflies all different to mark my triple negative stage three status and change. When I was undergoing treatment I would often sit in the covered swing by my pond and delighted when the dragonfliles came to visit. It happened that I looked forward to seeing them and was fascinated by their grace, they became my symbol. I then did some research as to what a dragonfly meant and knew they fitting to describe me and what was going on. A great description can be found here; Dragonfly Symbolism
On to happier and less deep subjects...my Harlow aka LoLo girl. She continues to be a delight but we have of course had our demon puppy moments, thankfully they are not continuous. She has grown so much in the two weeks I have had her, youb forget how fast puppies change. We started puppy school yesterday and she did very well. Love the trainer, her methods and calm demeanor, definetly a good fit for me and Harlow's personality. Harlow was used as an example and demonstrated her eagerness to learn and quickness to do so. Take that all you people who say chocolate labs are stupid, hard to train and hyper! Harlow was tuckered out for most of the afternoon and we did our homework last night as well as some more this morning.
I also practiced more with my 50mm lens and playing with aperture--camera on manual or program--go me!! Harlow was naturally the foucs of my photo shoot :). Here she is at 11 weeks old.
How can you not fall in love with that face? I am smitten
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