Where Have I Been?

 It's been a minute, or two or three. Life happens, things get in the way or you just lose interest. 

July was hard. I lost my aunt to brain cancer. Mom and I were able to visit her for a week. We flew to BC and I was able to get out and explore for a few days but I did spend most of my time at the hospital where my aunt was in hospice. It hurt but also made me happy that my mom was able to see her little sister again. It has been years since they saw each other in person. Life gets in the way, and living across the country makes it harder. We always say we are going to, one day. Thankfully we were able to see her and they reminisced, Mom fussed over her and I know it broke her heart but I also know she was happy to be there, for support and reassurance. Two weeks after we returned home my aunt passed. She had an MAID order in effect and made the decision to exercise it. Her pain was gone, the fear gone. 

I think I stumbled through July, my aunt's passing affecting me in ways I wasn't anticipating. I wasn't close to her, not having seen her in years but just that life is so short. I have made it to the other side with cancer twice, I am one of the lucky ones.....but it makes you think. I had a lot of downtime, all I wanted to do was curl up and read. I didn't get out for walks or pull out my camera. I am not sure what I did other than exist. I wasn't depressed or anything, but I think I just needed to shut down and I did. 

August is almost finished, this month has flown by. I still haven't been out with my camera much or gone to my favourite places. Weather (hot and humid) was the biggest reason, the other is I was content to enjoy being at home, playing with the dog, reading on the deck and just enjoying being home. I came to the conclusion that I was happy, or at least my version of happy. Maybe content and settled are better words. My parents are healthy, my brother and his family are doing well, and my son is absolutely loving his new job which is a career with growth potential. My small world is good.

Back to school is around the corner, with one week left of summer vacation. I will have my 35th first day of school. Wow, where has the time gone?! I am hoping this upcoming year will have fewer obstacles and be more settled. Planning for a good year to come!

A few photos that I took while in BC. The scenery was stunning, so different from the flatness of where I live. 

With that, I will post again at some point. Take care of you, and hold dear those that are important in your life. ♥

As I Wander Along

Tuesday Harlow and I headed out to the Greenway for some run time for her, and hopefully some picture-taking opportunities for me. The sky was grey, the air crisp but it was perfect wandering weather. We entered a spot that isn't usually busy so I could let Harlow just sniff and run, much to her delight and we were off. It felt good to just walk, be with my thoughts but not really thinking about anything, looking up in the trees, and across fields to see what I wanted to capture. Didn't really see many birds but I heard them twittering in the trees. I came across this birdhouse and liked how the light hit it amongst the growth. 

On our way back to the car we spotted this furry little friend who puffed himself up a bit as he saw us. Thankfully I spotted him before Harlow did so I got her back on her leash before we had an incident of her deciding to take off and chase. Thankfully I did as when she did notice him I about lost my arm as she pulled. 

Such a lovely couple of hours just being outside with nowhere to be and no time limit. Definitely good for the soul.

We braced ourselves for a big winter storm Wednesday. It started snowing in the morning, buses were canceled, exams moved back and warnings of travel difficulties as the day wore on. I decided to walk to work (only 5 minutes) as it would take me longer to clean off and warm up the car at the beginning and end of the day. It snowed on and off all day, heavier in the afternoon at what would have been our dismissal. The temperature was comfortable and it was gorgeous to look at with big, fluffy heavy snowflakes coming down. Once home from work, I walked in the front door and right back out the back with a very happy dog. Harlow loves snow and we were outside for well over an hour as she dove in the snow for her ball, buried her nose in it, and ate a little. We came up front so I could shovel the sidewalk and front step as she happily tossed her ball in the air (losing it in the snow thus a 15-minute search for it by her). After my feet got cold and my gloves soaked through I decided it was time for us to come in. We watched the snow continue to fall but much slower as the evening turned dark. Sleep was cozy and deep.

 Good news in the health department for me as both my CT scan and bone scan came back clear. No evidence of cancer anywhere, I am getting closer to that magical 5-year mark. Another scan and visit in 6 months. It's so nice to finally hit that 6-month visit after being every 3 months for the last couple of years.

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to those who celebrate it and welcome to the middle of February for those who don't.

Today is a milestone for me and has a completely different reason for celebration. I received my cancer diagnosis 10 years ago today. I was 38, mom to an 8 year old and in a marriage that I was hanging on to but knew was broken yet scared to go out on my own. While cancer took away it also gave, not that I would recommend cancer as a way to make changes as I would much rather have found things out on my own. The cancer didn't kill my marriage it just forced out in the open that it was over.
I lost, I won, I learned, I struggled, I concquered, I gave up, I tried, I changed, I mourned, I celebrated, I shut down, I gave, I loved, I hated, I was angry, I was happy, I was worried, I was calm, I cried, I fought, I laughed, I was brave, I was a coward. . .I survived. 

I look at where I am today and look around to all that I have gained and feel proud that I did it, I have a nice place to live, a job I love and best of all the most amazing young man that I raised. I've had many bumps in the road and lost myself, but I am on a journey to find the me that I want to be.  That young man went away to college and now I am having fun being Joanne, I will always be mom but my days are focussed on what I want to do. I've taken some classes, got a new hobby and of course brought Harlow into my life.  I feel vibrant most days and look forward to now.

My last chapter to the cancer journey will be my third and final dragonfly tattoo. I had one at the first year mark, another at the five year mark and now will mark my tenth--it will complete the circle. Three dragonflies all different to mark my triple negative stage three status and change. When I was undergoing treatment I would often sit in the covered swing by my pond and delighted when the dragonfliles came to visit. It happened that I looked forward to seeing them and was fascinated by their grace, they became my symbol. I then did some research as to what a dragonfly meant and knew they fitting to describe me and what was going on. A great description can be found here; Dragonfly Symbolism

On to happier and less deep subjects...my Harlow aka LoLo girl. She continues to be a delight but we have of course had our demon puppy moments, thankfully they are not continuous. She has grown so much in the two weeks I have had her, youb forget how fast puppies change.  We started puppy school yesterday and she did very well. Love the trainer, her methods and calm demeanor, definetly a good fit for me and Harlow's personality. Harlow was used as an example and demonstrated her eagerness to learn and quickness to do so.  Take that all you people who say chocolate labs are stupid, hard to train and hyper! Harlow was tuckered out for most of the afternoon and we did our homework last night as well as some more this morning.  

I also practiced more with my 50mm lens and playing with aperture--camera on manual or program--go me!!  Harlow was naturally the foucs of my photo shoot :). Here she is at 11 weeks old.

How can you not fall in love with that face?  I am smitten