January was both rough and a relief as I look back. I also look at where I was and where I am today and I am definitely better. I sold the house in the fall and moved back to my hometown, renting a condo close to my parents.
I get lonely and I do miss the years of our marriage when things were well and we were happy, I know those years existed but we became different people. Too many obstacles in our way and when you lose trust you have nothing. I miss the wonderful man he was and look at who he has become and I feel sad. I wonder if our son has the memories of us all together laughing and enjoying life...they did happen but they are getting foggy.
Maybe I am finally in mourning for the marriage that once was, maybe it has taken me this long to get here. I have had so much anger built up about the last few years we were together and how he let me down when I needed him most. Could it possibly be that I am finally content? Have I let it go and am finding peace and perhaps forgiveness? I think that is ultimately my goal, to find peace and forgive and then I can move on and be happy.
