Continuing the journey

“Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to desire it. What is wrong is seeking it outside when it is inside.”

—Ramana Maharshi (1879-1950)

This quote speaks to me, it is where I am right now. I have chosen to be happy and no longer dwell on the past. It has taken me a long time to get here even though I have made the attempts many times before.  On the plus side is I continued to try, chose not to give up and I believe I am finally there. I've stopped comparing and wishing but looked around me and became content with where I am and grateful for what life has given me.  

We always want more and I am guilty of that same as many others but I think in that wanting more we forget to stop, look and appreciate what we have.  Not just in material goods but the world around us as a whole, our little place in the world. I have started to look at what I have accomplished, not focusing on where I have failed. Not to discount the failures as we learn from those but to stop dwelling on them to the point where you stop doing things because you are scared to fail.  This all makes sense in my head and is actually coming clearer. 

It has taken me a long time to get here but I'm glad I have arrived and plan on continuing the journey to me. I think I was kind of forced into this revelation about myself and the need to find happy. The boy moving away to college left me with just me to care for and I realized I had been neglecting me all this time. When forced to deal with yourself you realize a lot of things and some of it is not pretty.  I will never forget this title of a workbook that I used to use with elementary school students and I think it is a good title for all of us on the journey to self-discovery "The Me I'm Learning To Be"--it fits doesn't it? 

Of course now on to my little bundle of chocolate, Miss Harlow. She continues to be a wonderful, crazy addition to my household. Graduation from her first puppy school course has taken place (even got a certificate), the last of her puppy shots have been given as has her rabies, plus flea and tick control started. Harlow weighed in at 33 lbs on our last visit and the vet referred to her as perfect <3. We continue to walk daily, most of them twice with our afternoon one the longest. She continues to bring so much to my life and I simply adore her.  The breeder has redone their website and Harlow is featured on the front page as well as having her picture posted for the Guardian program, proud puppy mum here :)

As always I must end with posting a few pictures of my little gem.

The Graduate

Just being her

Choices and the Aftermath

I am between wallowing in self-pity, guilt and anger at making stupid decisions.  After much agonizing thought, tears and a long discussion with the Animal Behaviourist I made the decision to return Dash the Wonder Dog to the shelter.  I have gone through the whole emotional roller coaster and debated on if I was making the correct decision and who this decision was for. 

You see, he would not leave the cat alone.  Not in a mean or aggressive manner, it was playful but to the point of pinning my poor Meow-man to the ground and play nipping. Of course Meowy responded the only way he could which is to scratch and bite..........then it would start all over.  Meowy was to the point of staying in the basement, behind the tv or under the kitchen table, not fair to he who has been around for seven years.  It was extremely hard and I probably looked like an idiot as I fell apart while dropping him off :( 

The upside (if there was one) was they complimented me on the job I had done with him in the month we had him, his coat is full, soft and shiny, no more hip bones or ribs showing and he is house trained using a bell.  I was asked to consider fostering where I would socialize/train either dog or cat.  Something to look into but not in any hurry at the moment.

How do I know I made the right decision?  Am guessing that I have as my Meow-man is free to wander the house as he has in the past sleeping in his favourite spots.  He is already coming back around us no longer worried about being pounced on by an exuberant dog who just wants to play (or use him as a play toy). My wish with all my heart is that Dash the Wonder Dog finds a loving forever home very soon, he deserves it and is a real treasure.

Think I am going to not make any decisions for a few days as it seems what I think is a good idea is not necessarily so. 

Christmas Past and The Now

Another Christmas is in the books and I would say this one was hard.  While I had the adoption of Dash that really made it special I also had some down moments. 

This was my first Christmas not having my son with me for Christmas dinner, he was with his dad. For six years it has been us and my parents or us and my whole family.  This year it was just me and my family, it hit me harder than I expected.  I contemplated just staying home and putting my jammies on, but after a meltdown and tears I sucked it up and went back out to my brothers.  Glad I did as we had some laughs playing games and such.

Fast forward to the now........

Dash is doing well and we have gone out for a walk every day.  I feel myself being more at peace and calm, animals are amazing creatures aren't they?  The Meow-man is handling a dog in the house very well and is over being angry with me.  Matter of fact I have cat curled up beside me and do is curled up at my feet.....life is good.

Avoidance is in full gear, I have done nothing!!  There is laundry, dusting, vacuuming and sweeping to do as well as a good fridge clean out needed but I am content to sit and watch whatever marathon is playing on the Comedy or Space network as well as catching some World Junior hockey action (still in mourning over Canada's shootout loss yesterday).